For many, Michael Jackson will be remembered as the King of Pop. For me, I will remember him as the King of Dance. His unique moves, daring crotch grabs, and slick choreography will always be etched into my mind, even when his untimely death fades from memory. His style transcends past and present generations and has strongly influenced the creative music minds and dance moves of pop icons like Justin Timberlake and Usher.

Although his troubled later years have attempted to tarnish his icon status, many look past the child pedophile accusations, odd behavior, and his drastic physical appearance changes to remember the Billie Jean glory days and the genius of his creativity. His legacy will live on in the hearts and minds of those who fell in love with his music, style, and dance. Rest in Peace, Gloved One.

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: “Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kühe und die Schweine haben darin geschissen!”

Which means: “Don’t drink the water, the cows and the pigs have shit in it!”

The man shouts back: “I’m a Muslim, I don’t understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!”

The Amish man shouts back in English: “Use two hands, you’ll get more!”

Why in the world would anyone mix gumballs and those really bouncy balls? I think they’re called Super Balls. At least that’s what I called them when I was a kid. Either someone’s really trying to pull your finger or they want little kids to choke to death on rubber balls shaped like sugary gumballs. Now we’ve gotta bounce them off the flippin’ floor to see if they’ll bounce. And if it’s a gumball, it’ll crack and get all dirty. What a pain! Gosh!

Jordy Smith is just your average professional surfer. He travels the world to ride big waves with sponsors like Red Bull footing the bill. What a hard life he lives… Sure the sport of surfing does have its death/injury risk, but what sport doesn’t? He’s living the dream.

While filming for the Red Bull team off the Mentawai Islands in the Indian Ocean, Jordy pulls an amazing trick on his board. It’s being called a rodeo flip which is a popular snowboarding trick from the early 90’s. eHow.com has some instructions on how to complete this wicked maneuver. Looks like a blasty blast.

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,’ she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

He replied, ‘It feels great, but I think my thumb’s still broken!’

Apparently this is the first ever successful backflip performed by a monster truck in a public show. This took place on 5/20/2009 at the Vermonster 4×4 event in Bradford, Vermont. He should do this for a Monster Jam if he hasn’t already. Everyone would want to come and see the backflip…that is if they weren’t killed or injured by flying chunks of truck parts. Check out a different angle of this video here. It almost looks like this ramp is rigged to help flip Ghost Ryder since it goes straight up, but it’s still a fine piece of redneck ingenuity.

You really have to try this, it only takes 2 seconds. This little learning experience comes from an orthopedic surgeon. It will boggle your mind and will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t. You will FAIL. It’s pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you’re on drugs…) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

On the first day, God created the dog and said: ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: ‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: ‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’

But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank us for this valuable information. We’re doing it as a public service.