This curious pup doesn’t seem to know what to think of this small furry creature squeaking between his playful paws. Is it food? Is it a toy? Before he can take one little nip, Mama Squirrel comes flying out of the tree to her baby’s rescue. And boy is she pissed! She launches her little teeth onto the side of his neck and starts to desperately claw his face.

Her rescue mission is a success! Now that’s a brave squirrel! Her little baby squirrel is unharmed and back safe in the tree away from the jaws of the terrible black monster…

Oh how I hate word problems! Especially in calculus, one of my least favorite subjects in school. Grant it I could eventually figure out many problems given the proper time, but in most colleges they give you only an hour to finish something that would take a normal human being three hours. No wonder so many students struggle in calculus and fail tests.

I had the unfortunate experience of attending my freshman year of college at a local community school where many of my tests had flexible times. This helped my grade out tremendously and I ended up getting all As…even in my calculus class. For my second year, I transferred to a much larger university where my first test was in my calculus II class. After 50 minutes of problem solving the professor announced that there was 10 minutes left in the test and I was only halfway done! Not only did I fail that test, but I learned a lesson in test taking.

Instead of skipping the problem or at least trying, this numbnut draws an elephant on his diagram…lol. Yeah that’s sure to get a professor’s attention. He could have gotten partial credit for at least trying but instead he mocks the problem with childlike artistry. I guess this would be hilarious if he didn’t care about the test, the professor, or the problem. Believe me I’ve felt the same way…

This little gal is badass! She’s making Daddy proud that’s for sure… If I had a daughter, I’d show her how to handle weapons safely and be comfortable around guns. I’m not sure about seeing how fast you can field strip an AR-15, but gun safety and awareness are important imo.

She does a really fast thorough job of this even though she doesn’t do a full functions check. She also puts her index finger directly on the trigger instead of leaving it on the trigger guard which is a big NoNo. Otherwise, she’s ready to be a soldier of fortune…lol.

The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

… followed closely by The United States of America

and then … Poland

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First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.

Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH WOMEN:

First Date: You get terrific head.

Second Date: You get even more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.

Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you’ve already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:

First date: Meet her parents.

Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She’s pregnant.

Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

ARAB WOMEN:

First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.

Second Date: You are shot dead.

No third date.

This has got to be the best pumpkin carving Halloween scene ever! There’s nothing like mixing Heineken and crappy Mexican beer to make any strong stomach start churning towards a climatic hurl.

These three pumpkins thought they were having the time of their short lives on Halloween eve. What started out as an evening of spooky revelry and a few brews, ended tragically after a couple rounds of Three Man. The pumpkins’ seed filled brains could not handle large quantities of alcohol and consequentially the party stopped with bits of orange vegetation splattered all over the sidewalk. May we learn from their mistakes and drink responsibly this Halloween… Cheers!

Now that’s what I’m talking about! What an ingenious way to store all your hot European supercars… If the top two get stolen, you still have two Lambos left to chase down the sneaky thieves. The guy the owns this garage and the Lamborghinis probably brings in a lot of dough. To be honest with you, if I had enough money to blow on four Lambos, I’d get a little variety. I’d want a yellow Lamborghini Reventón, a red Ferrari Enzo, a black Maserati GranTurismo, and a white Bentley Continental GT. That’s more like it! And now that I think about it…forget the stupid elevating garage. I wanna show off my hot toys in my 5,000 square foot garage. Eat that Jay Leno…lol.

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become Poly, Warner, Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Good Year and become MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become ZipAudiDoDa
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become Poupon Pants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become Knott NOW!

And finally…

9. Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name Titty Titty Bang Bang.

Welcome to Australia! Here are some photos of a giant spider devouring a bird in a Queensland backyard. According to experts, the photos are unmodified.

The photos, which are reported to have been taken this week in Atherton, west of Cairns, show the spider clenching its legs around a lifeless bird trapped in a web.

Head spider keeper at the Australian Reptile Park at Gosford on NSW central coast, Joel Shakespeare, said the spider was a Golden Orb Weaver.

“Normally they prey on large insects… it’s unusual to see one eating a bird,” he told a local newspaper. Mr. Shakespeare said he had seen Golden Orb Weaver spiders as big as a human hand but the northern species in tropical areas were known to grow larger.

Queensland Museum identified the bird as a native finch called the Chestnut–breasted Mannikin. The bird, which appears frozen in an angel-like pose, most likely flew into the spider’s 3 foot web and got caught.

“It wouldn’t eat the whole bird,” he said. But the spider would probably prepare a liquid soup with the finch, as it does with insects, and discard what it doesn’t need.

“It uses its venom to break down the bird for eating and what it leaves is a food parcel,” he said. Greg Czechura from Queensland Museum said cases of the Golden Orb Weaver eating small birds were “well known but rare”.

“It builds a very strong web,” he said. But he said the spider would not have attacked until the bird weakened. “They blunder into the webs and their feathers get entangled,” he said. “The more they struggle, the more tangled up and exhausted they get and they go into stress.” The Golden Orb Weaver spins a strong web high in protein because it depends on it to capture large insects for food, unlike funnel web and wolf spiders that actively hunt their prey.

Another species of spider called the bird-eating spider does not actually eat birds. “If a spider gets a bird, it’s a very lucky spider,” Mr Czechura said

There was only one problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, theiron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

And all this time, you thought that was just a vulgar expression, didn’t you?

Now I remember! I used to have nightmares about Dick chasing me!

Can you remember your first grade reader?

You probably read this story in school…’way back when.

See DicK Run

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Run Dick Run

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Below is an actual job application that this 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in California. They hired him because he was funny…

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
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Every once in awhile Nike comes out with a sweet ad that sticks with you for awhile. This video is no exception. If you’re a NFL football fan like myself, you’ll not only recognize LT from the San Diego Chargers and Polamalu from the Pittsburgh Steelers, but you’ll feel the urge to cry “Yeah! That was a hit!” when both these football players collide. I’d say this is a fine directing job by David Finch as he chronicles the life-long journey of these pro football players as their destinies come together on a battlefield for pigskin dominance. I now feel inspired to get off my ass and hit up the gym or play some ball. Thanks Nike and keep it up!

OMG! Here’s the Nets’ point guard Devin Harris getting schooled in a quick pickup basketball game against some random British guy wearing a v-neck sweater. Well actually the British guy isn’t so random. His name is Stuart Tanner and he’s a legendary UK streetballer. The “under the leg” move was sweet as he blows right by Devin with the winning layup. Check out the full story written by Stuart’s brother Greg.

It doesn’t look like Devin was really playing too hard though. I wonder if he has something in his contract where he can’t “strain” himself off the court. Either that or he didn’t expect those kinda moves from a British chap. Or maybe he’s just a sucky point guard. Who knows? Either way, Stuart still embarrassed his ass…lol.