• When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing “good morning” to everyone and you think, “Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of him/her”…You need to pray at work.
• When someone comes in and announces, “office meeting in 5 minutes,” and you think, “what the f&% do they want now?”….. You need to pray at work.
• When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, “which one of you sons of B&%$# turned off my computer?”….. You need to pray at work.
• When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, “well at my last office…,” and you want to throw a stapler at him/her…… You need to pray at work.
• When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, “what the h %$#& does he/she want now?” and you try to hide underneath your desk……… You need to pray at work.
• When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else’s work and the first thing that pops in your head is, “both of y’all can kiss my a@@!!”…. You need to pray at work.
• When you’re in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say “that lazy B&%#”…… You need to pray at work.

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Even if you don’t own a dog at present, you’ll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch!!!

Dog For Sale
Or free to good home.
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
Most of them knew him as ‘Holy Shit’.
Your help will be appreciated.

It looks like this old coon’s been creating this contraption for a few years. I’m surprised he’s still got all of his fingers, but he sounds like he knows what he’s doing. Good thing he’s not smoking a cigarette or he’d be half the redneck he is now. I’m actually impressed that he could figure out what 15,000 minus 8,500 was. This guy probably lives in Northern California and has been setting a few of those wildfires out of his trailer with his experimentation in bottle rockets and other fireworks. That’s redneck ingenuity for ya!

NICKNAMES
1. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS
1. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
2. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
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Here’s a great compilation of idiots with guns. Today, our Supreme Court ruled that Americans have a constitutional right to keep guns in their homes for self-defense. I’m pretty sure the supreme justices didn’t see this little video. Otherwise they would’ve banned all guns from getting in the hands of freaking idiots. That is if they weren’t turned off by the ridiculous carnival music used for a soundtrack. Seriously…why do all video compilations have such eardrum trashing audio? After listening to this, I feel like beating the shit out of random clowns and stuffing cotton candy down the gullets of screaming babies. Grrrrrr…

The best parts of this video involve these Arab dudes and some shoulder-bruising elephant guns. Wow! These guys certainly are having a blasty blast…literally. Have you ever fired a rifle? You have to hold it tight to your shoulder and brace yourself if it’s a big bore rifle. I own a .338 magnum hunting rifle, which is not near as powerful as a .577 Tyrannosaur. Even after 20 rounds of sighting the gun in, my shoulder gets a little yellow from the pounding…

Really strange things happen in Maine. I’m picking Maine as a random state and because it would be a perfect setting for a horror novel. Maine’s like a destination for a good road trip from New York City. You drive all day with no particular plan and you end up lost in the backwoods of a sparsely populated area. It’s getting fairly dark as you consult your coffee-stained map and notice you’re 100 miles inland and close to a town that might have a hotel. You come across a rusty little gas station and ask the grizzly-bearded attendant for better directions. He gives you a wary glance and says, “You wanna go way up there?” You numbly nod back and ask, “What’s the problem?” Scratching his beard, he slowly answers, “Many a folk don’t come back.” You start prying him for more information, but the old geezer clams up.

Losing patience, you walk out and decide to find this town yourself without some nosy hillbilly’s help. As you drive, the road narrows as it winds through the darkening hills. Suddenly out of nowhere, a random encounter! You slam on the brakes, but it’s too late. Pants down and air borne, your fate becomes one with the windshield. See More Motivational Posters!

This guy’s a sneaky little bastard. Hiding behind the goalie, he darts out and steals the soccer ball. I can’t believe nobody on the opposing team saw this little trickster. Well maybe one teammate did, but he was so far down the field that his voice was getting hoarse from screaming, “Behind you! Look behind you, mate! Oh crap! Behind y…nevermind…”. The dude that stole the ball has some pretty sweet skillz too and does a great job of faking the goalie out. He also steal his wallet and a gold pocketwatch…

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?’

The guy replies, ‘I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of New York City.’

St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.’

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary Church for the last forty-three years.’

St Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.’

‘Just a minute,’ says the minister. ‘That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?’

‘Up here, we work by results,’ says Saint Peter. ‘While you preached, people slept, while he drove, people prayed.’

Here’s the story behind BMW’s new innovation…the GINA Light Visionary Model concept car. This sexy devil has a skeleton, skin, and beautiful blinking eyes. GINA stand for Geometry and Functions in ‘N’ Adaptations. What a lame marketing concept imo… Name it something that makes sense to the general public, you over-paid BMW engineers! Like Sexy Devil or just SKIN. The word skin makes me think of so many dirty things and if I were to ever pay out of my ass for something like this, I’d expect those dirty things to happen.

This concept car has a carbon fiber and metal frame. The wire frame is wrapped in a durable textile fabric. This gives the car the ability to bend and contract like real skin wrapped around a skeleton. Even the interior’s wrapped in flexible fabric. I’m not sure why BMW would spend money on something silly like this, but it could used be in the future for other functions. You never know…