Apparently this is the first ever successful backflip performed by a monster truck in a public show. This took place on 5/20/2009 at the Vermonster 4×4 event in Bradford, Vermont. He should do this for a Monster Jam if he hasn’t already. Everyone would want to come and see the backflip…that is if they weren’t killed or injured by flying chunks of truck parts. Check out a different angle of this video here. It almost looks like this ramp is rigged to help flip Ghost Ryder since it goes straight up, but it’s still a fine piece of redneck ingenuity.

You really have to try this, it only takes 2 seconds. This little learning experience comes from an orthopedic surgeon. It will boggle your mind and will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t. You will FAIL. It’s pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you’re on drugs…) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

On the first day, God created the dog and said: ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: ‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: ‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’

But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank us for this valuable information. We’re doing it as a public service.

A little rain doesn’t spoil the fishing…

You need fashion tips from your husband…

You wear a shirt like this for your engagement picture…

And your wedding cake looked like this…

Your doghouse looks like this…

Your pickup looks like this…

You have a deer’s butt for a door bell…

You don’t need a lake to do a little skiing…

Or if your wife is quoted in the local paper saying…

Many ‘Old Folks’ (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how they should present themselves. See the When To Give Up Daisy Duke Shorts post for a disturbing example.

They are unsure about the kind of image they are projecting and whether or not they are correct as they try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Mini skirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
13. Thongs and Depends

This has got to be the alternate ending to the famous clock tower scene at the end of Back to The Future I. In all seriousness, this dude just fried himself to death. I don’t think he initially decided to grab onto a live electrical wire. It appears as if he reaches out to steady himself and got the surprise of his life.

This video’s pretty gruesome. I tried looking for it on YouTube but apparently it was banned for being too graphic. I don’t blame YouTube for taking it off. The poor dead dude’s hair’s on fire and his body is smoking. I’m sure if I was live at the scene and saw this, I would be slightly scarred for life.

I knew something was missing from Street Fighter IV! This guy just demolishes some poor sap’s car with his bare hands and proceeds to breathe fire on the wreck once he’s done. Incredible! How did this Asian tank complete such a brutal act without cutting skin, bruising muscle, or breaking any bones? Clever video editing and smart product placement I say. Yeah that’s right…I did just say product placement. Check out the Samsung SSD Camcorder H106 at 0.26 seconds. Hmmmm…makes you wonder doesn’t it? Either way, this angry guy has way too much time on his hands.

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. House for instance, is feminine: ‘la Casa’. Pencil, however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz’.

A student asked, ‘What gender is computer?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (’la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (’el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model

The women won.

Oh for the love of God! Some people just don’t have a clue. There are no excuses for wearing this kind of attire. Daisy Duke shorts on a woman well past her 60th birthday doesn’t strike a single sexual attractive cord in my body. Well maybe she’s drunk out of her gourd or she’s out of her mind on prescription drugs, either way we really didn’t need to see her flaunting her cottage cheese, wrinkly old ass out at the state fair grounds. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite for an Elephant Ear sprinkled with powered sugar and drizzled with fireweed honey.