One day, a man visits a dentist with an aching tooth.

The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

‘No way! No needles. I hate needles!’ the patient exclaimed.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

‘I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!’

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

‘No objection,’ the patient says. ‘I’m fine with pills.’

The dentist then returns and says, ‘Here’s a Viagra.’

The patient says, ‘Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!’

‘It doesn’t’ said the dentist, ‘but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.’

This bull elk is either trying to pick a fight, a flaming homosexual, or really confused. Either way he’s taking cow tipping to a whole new level. First of all, he’s upgraded from cows to bulls and secondly he’s doing it in broad daylight. I guess his momma never taught him proper manners either. You’re supposed to ask politely first. You can’t just run up behind any old cattle and proceed to prod the unsuspecting fellow in the rear. Just because you have rutting hormones coursing through your veins doesn’t mean common sense has to fly out the window…seriously.

If a small piece of ice can fall off a glacier, what’s to stop a huge chunk from following suit? I would’ve been outta there as soon as the small chunk fell. What really amazes me about this video is no one got killed. These people are idiots and deserve a little life altering experience. Most of the glaciers I’ve been able to walk close to have signs posted and a barrier of some kind to prevent people without common sense from getting caught up in the moment. Maybe a barrier was in place and signs were posted and maybe one person decided to adventure into the unknown and everyone else followed like a herd of walruses. Well some of the walruses got dashed into the rocks like rag dolls didn’t they?

One beautiful sunny day, this farmer was having a grand old time with a rented post hole digger. That is until he hit an underground, high pressure gas main. He took out 2 homes, associated sheds, and a few vehicles. Authorities never found the farmer…no blood, no limbs, nada. What a tragedy and waste of human life. This could have been prevented with a quick call to the local gas utility before doing any excavating.

Actually that story isn’t true. I found the real story behind these amazing photos. It was caused by corrosion in the gas main and no one was killed. Five people were injured and two houses destroyed. While the original story is an elaborate fabrication, it’s still very important to dial before you dig.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but is now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: ‘I am calling to tell you she died back in January.’

Citibank: ‘The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’

Family Member: ‘Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.’

Citibank: ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.’

Family Member: ‘So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’

Citibank: ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’

Family Member: ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?’

Citibank: ‘Excuse me?’

Family Member: ‘Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?’

Citibank: ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.’

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.’

Citibank: ‘The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’

Family Member: ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’

Citibank: (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’

Family Member: ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)C

itibank: ‘Could you fax us a certificate of death?’

Family Member: ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: ‘Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.’

Family Member: ‘Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’

Citibank: ‘Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.’

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?’

Citibank: ‘That might help…’

Family Member: ‘Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.’

Citibank: ‘Sir, that’s a cemetery!’

Family Member: ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???’

Okay there, buddy. We understand you’re excited about seeing an alligator, but seriously…pay attention! This huge reptile is either very hungry or possesses some serious anger issues. This idiot’s really testing his fate by leaning so far over the water. Maybe he deserves to lose an arm to learn a valuable lesson. Some people just don’t “get it” until something drastic happens to them.

For instance, last summer in Anchorage, Alaska a teenage mountain biker and a jogger were seriously hurt by brown bears in two separate instances on a city park trail that follows along a salmon spawning stream. The bicyclist was attacked and mauled late at night during a 24 hour mountain biking race. How idiotic! Now the city is closing that trail for the summer. I’d rather doubt that will keep everyone from venturing on that trail, but I’d say people got a wakeup call for not following common sense.

If you weren’t sure what the visual signs of swine flu were, well now you know. Whoa Nelly! Aside from the occasional oink or squeal, these symptoms appear blatantly obvious. There’s no sense in wearing a silly mask out in crowded public venues. If you’re observant enough, you can spot infected folks before they can wander into your personal space and rub their slobbery snouts all over your virus-prone body.

I find it kinda sexy in a strange creepy way. There’s something about those multiple nipples and pink curly tail that gets my mind in the gutter. If you’re suffering from this swine flu, your doctor has probably advised you to quarantine yourself and revert from any social contact. He just doesn’t understand how beautiful you’ve become. I say screw him and flaunt your floppy ears and scrunchy nose. Just try to calm your sudden urges to feast on grain and corn and you’ll be fine.

This has got to be the coolest Bobcat attachment ever. Sure the Quick Attach Big Wood Chipper and the Quick Attach Power Axe Tree Shear are friggin awesome, but nothing tops the mighty power of the wood splitter. If you’ve ever had to split a pile of freshly cut wood, you would know it’s a lot of work. The experience can be rewarding and add some muscles to your back, but most folks are generally lazy and on a time crunch. Imagine how much time you would save using a Bobcat with an attachment like this. In no time, you could be relaxing in front of your 50 inch Plasma with a brew in one hand and the remote in the other.

Safari Interrupted! I’ll bet this probably wasn’t mentioned in the safari travel brochure. Well maybe in fine print in which you would need a magnifying glass to examine. It might read, “Warning…safari elephants may become aroused at random and mount the nearest pachyderm. If so said event happens to occur, grit your teeth and hold on tight for the duration of the thrusting. We are not responsible for your safety or the state of your emotional well being. Enjoy your safari!”