Many ‘Old Folks’ (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how they should present themselves. See the When To Give Up Daisy Duke Shorts post for a disturbing example.

They are unsure about the kind of image they are projecting and whether or not they are correct as they try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Mini skirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
13. Thongs and Depends

This has got to be the alternate ending to the famous clock tower scene at the end of Back to The Future I. In all seriousness, this dude just fried himself to death. I don’t think he initially decided to grab onto a live electrical wire. It appears as if he reaches out to steady himself and got the surprise of his life.

This video’s pretty gruesome. I tried looking for it on YouTube but apparently it was banned for being too graphic. I don’t blame YouTube for taking it off. The poor dead dude’s hair’s on fire and his body is smoking. I’m sure if I was live at the scene and saw this, I would be slightly scarred for life.

I knew something was missing from Street Fighter IV! This guy just demolishes some poor sap’s car with his bare hands and proceeds to breathe fire on the wreck once he’s done. Incredible! How did this Asian tank complete such a brutal act without cutting skin, bruising muscle, or breaking any bones? Clever video editing and smart product placement I say. Yeah that’s right…I did just say product placement. Check out the Samsung SSD Camcorder H106 at 0.26 seconds. Hmmmm…makes you wonder doesn’t it? Either way, this angry guy has way too much time on his hands.

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. House for instance, is feminine: ‘la Casa’. Pencil, however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz’.

A student asked, ‘What gender is computer?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (’la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (’el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model

The women won.

Oh for the love of God! Some people just don’t have a clue. There are no excuses for wearing this kind of attire. Daisy Duke shorts on a woman well past her 60th birthday doesn’t strike a single sexual attractive cord in my body. Well maybe she’s drunk out of her gourd or she’s out of her mind on prescription drugs, either way we really didn’t need to see her flaunting her cottage cheese, wrinkly old ass out at the state fair grounds. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite for an Elephant Ear sprinkled with powered sugar and drizzled with fireweed honey.

One day, a man visits a dentist with an aching tooth.

The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

‘No way! No needles. I hate needles!’ the patient exclaimed.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

‘I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!’

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

‘No objection,’ the patient says. ‘I’m fine with pills.’

The dentist then returns and says, ‘Here’s a Viagra.’

The patient says, ‘Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!’

‘It doesn’t’ said the dentist, ‘but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.’

This bull elk is either trying to pick a fight, a flaming homosexual, or really confused. Either way he’s taking cow tipping to a whole new level. First of all, he’s upgraded from cows to bulls and secondly he’s doing it in broad daylight. I guess his momma never taught him proper manners either. You’re supposed to ask politely first. You can’t just run up behind any old cattle and proceed to prod the unsuspecting fellow in the rear. Just because you have rutting hormones coursing through your veins doesn’t mean common sense has to fly out the window…seriously.

If a small piece of ice can fall off a glacier, what’s to stop a huge chunk from following suit? I would’ve been outta there as soon as the small chunk fell. What really amazes me about this video is no one got killed. These people are idiots and deserve a little life altering experience. Most of the glaciers I’ve been able to walk close to have signs posted and a barrier of some kind to prevent people without common sense from getting caught up in the moment. Maybe a barrier was in place and signs were posted and maybe one person decided to adventure into the unknown and everyone else followed like a herd of walruses. Well some of the walruses got dashed into the rocks like rag dolls didn’t they?

One beautiful sunny day, this farmer was having a grand old time with a rented post hole digger. That is until he hit an underground, high pressure gas main. He took out 2 homes, associated sheds, and a few vehicles. Authorities never found the farmer…no blood, no limbs, nada. What a tragedy and waste of human life. This could have been prevented with a quick call to the local gas utility before doing any excavating.

Actually that story isn’t true. I found the real story behind these amazing photos. It was caused by corrosion in the gas main and no one was killed. Five people were injured and two houses destroyed. While the original story is an elaborate fabrication, it’s still very important to dial before you dig.